MISSING MEN

This is one of those titles that reads like a really good crossword puzzle clue.  I mean, am I saying "missing" as a verb?   Like "I miss men!"   Or is "missing" an adjective and I'm going to write about men somewhere who can't be found?


People who know me would say the latter.  My boys would say the latter as well.  Because if you asked either of them they would tell you that their mother hates all men.  I'm really not sure if they believe that or not.  Even when I tell them that it isn't true.  However, they have heard more than their share of me complaining about the opposite gender.


I like to think that at this point in my life I can truly say that I don't hate anybody.  That has not always been the case.


But given my past, I have had reasons to be angry and frustrated with men.  Like men whose brains reside below the waist.   Like men who run after women 10-30 years younger than they are so that they can try to forget that they are getting older as well.  Like men who still think fart jokes are funny.   And yell and scream with approval and enthusiasm any time anyone uses a profanity or suggests getting drunk.


I am most definitely not a prude.  But I like to think I'm a grown up.  And even though I can act like a little kid with the best of them,  I have spent the bulk of the last 40 years solidly grounded in the adult world.


So it will surprise you to know that the title of this blog refers to "missing" as a verb.   As in "I miss men."


As most of my friends know I am militantly single.  I have absolutely no desire to ever be married again. I'm not sure I would want to even "go steady."  By now I'm too comfortable and happy on my own.  I really can't imagine having to ask someone else's opinion on the color of the living room or which video to watch.  Let's make that clear from the beginning.


But as a result, I live in a world with a dearth of men.  And now, having left the Choral Arts Society, my man supply has dried up!   And the Choral Arts men were spectacular.  In the first place we all had a lot in common!  We were accomplished choral singers.  We shared the same rehearsals, challenges and schedules.  At break time there was a lot to talk about. There was never that awkward "getting acquainted" phase.  At break time,  I always gravitated towards the men.  I really love being around men.  And these guys were just the greatest.  I had major crushes on several of them,  went on a disastrous date with another, and LOVED the fact that lots of them were gay which made them the most fun men on the planet.  One bass was the father of some kids I taught in elementary school.  One was a tenor I stood next to during our Stephen Sondheim tribute conducted by Marvin Hamlisch (and which performance SS himself attended!!!) and this tenor and I greeted each other ever after with "Ruthie Baby"  on his part, and "Bobby Bubbie" on mine (taken from one of the songs).   One of them was a college professor from West Virginia who I adored trading little asides throughout rehearsals. . . which wasn't easy since we both sat right smack in front of Norman.  One of  the men in the choir is a Facebook regular and sent me really meaningful comments when I posted a picture or something.  One of them was the president of the choir whom I sat next to on the bus coming home from our Carnegie Hall gig in New York last year and we solved a Washington Post crossword puzzle together and laughed and laughed.  Another was a brand new tenor this year whom I often stood next to in concerts and whose vocal abilities blew me away, and whose wonderful personality made him one of my best friends in the course of one year.  There was the former president whom I stood next to in numerous performances and referred to me as his Choral Arts wife!  And there was Norman.  The top man of the group.  Being demanding and crabby on the one hand, and incredibly tender and sweet on the other.


Being around a man, especially a really cool, emotionally mature(but not stuffy) man is different than being around a girl friend.  I LOVE my girlfriends.  Could not live without them.  But being around a man, even one where there is no romantic interest present, just generates a chemistry that being around a woman does not (at least not for me!).   I have basked in the exposure to my male Choral Arts buddies and have been fortunate to actually be able to stand next to them during most performances, thanks to Norman's concert seating assignments.  Which means I got to blend my voice with the tenors and play off their parts, which is pure musical fun. . . such a treat.


With all the endings that leaving this choir represents, I've just realized that one of the biggest endings is to my supply of wonderful men to hang around with, shoot the breeze with, flirt with, sing with, and share this music with.


No doubt about it.  I'm going to miss my men.